...I don’t get it.


I guess I can blog about this for a second… I don’t intend for this to be a long one.

I’m really fucked up about the passing of Kobe Bryant, his daughter, and other passengers on board. Specifically Kobe Bryant. I don’t know the other victims unfortunately, so do not get offended that I’m paying close attention to Kobe Bryant and his daughter in this blog. My heart goes out to EVERYONE involved. But like I said, I’m really fucked up… Like this is affecting me in waves that I did not anticipate at all. This really is changing my reality and I’m trying really hard to maintain composure but it’s not going well in any capacity. I read a tweet I think today or yesterday saying that I hate how we are reminded that death does not wait for anyone. It doesn’t matter status or anything, and it sucks that you can work so hard in your life it means so much to a lot of people, and that does not give a shit at all. It will literally come in like a breeze in the wind and sweep you away... like everything you’ve done open till that point wouldn’t matter. I mean it would matter to the people that admire you and stuff like that… But your own personal visions, goals, dreams, really wouldn’t matter… And that’s fucking with me. And a lot of people are saying “live in the moment like every day could be your last“… I get it… But what the fuck. It’s very disheartening. How can you live in the moment like every day could be your last… When there is an uncertain certainty? Like you could be excited for things to calm in your life or dreams that you want to accomplish...Only to have that ripped away from you in such a fashion that you can’t prepare for. It doesn’t matter how much money you have, what status you have in your life, any of that shit… All of that does not grant you any sort of amnesty when it comes to death… That is a major vice grip for me right now. I’m thinking that if you reach a certain level or a certain type of status/happiness or anything like that, death word parting you a little bit for a lack of a better term. But it doesn’t… It really doesn’t...

His death and his daughters death especially is Soule untimely and a natural and not only my eyes, but in a lot of others… He had just retired almost 4 years ago and solidified his legacy in the thing that he loved. He pursued it to the fullest and retired smiling which is something to highly admire. And we all felt that he was on the verge of establishing a part two to his life overall by contributing to the world in such a positive fashion… Only to have it ripped away...

I’m just really fucked up and I’m trying really hard to see the lights in this whole situation but this is hitting me like I said in waves that is fucking me up

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